Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Youtube my new love!

So lately I've been watching a lot of Youtube about WLS and it's really been helping. I follow quite a lot of people. Skymoon1982 & Lossingitwithbecca & bandedwendy! They have truely inspired me to reach for my dreams and nothing can stop me. I even made my own YT channel. It's if anyone wants to subscribe. So far I've only made one video but I'm planning to make more in the future.

Christmas Eve was great. I had a great food day. Although I have learned I have to drink warm.hot liquids before my meal to lossen my band or almost everything comes back up. I had shrimp and one roll which the roll took me a hour to eat. My roommate came with me to eat at my grandma's she had a great time too.

I also had a great Christmas! I got everything I wanted & more. The best gift I got was my boyfriend showed up to Christmas dinner & actually enjoyed his time. There were a lot of people at the house but it was fun. I did find out I love cheeseballs. I love cream cheese!!

Well I hope everyone had a great Holiday! 2012 gonna be a great year!

Monday, December 19, 2011

Meet Me On Monday!!!

Welcome to the 62nd edition of
"Meet Me On Monday!"

Blogging is a funny thing...we tell our most intimate thoughts for all to read and yet most of the time I find myself sitting and wondering, "who is this person!?" I know them...but yet I don't know them! I want to know who the person is behind all those words so I thought of a great way for all of us to "meet" each other!

Every Sunday Never Growing Old will post five get to know you questions that you can copy and paste into your own Monday post and we can all learn a little more about each and every one of us!!




Java will add a linky so we can follow who participates and get to know them better!! Be sure to link the POST and not just your whole blog!!







Questions:

1.Wrapping paper or gift bags? - I've wrapped all of my gifts this year!

2.Real or artificial tree? Artificial

3.When do you put your tree up? Day after Thanksgiving

4.When do you take your tree down? New Years Day

5.Do you like eggnog?I haven't ever tired it because it sounds nasty!

6.Do you have a nativity scene?No, but I would like one!

7.Favorite Christmas Movie? The Christmas Story//Elf

8.Favorite Christmas cookie? I don't really like cookies :-/ but I like no bake cookies.

9.Where will you eat Christmas dinner? It will be at my Mothers house!

10.Angel, bow or star on top of your tree? Angel

11.Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Feeling bad when you haven't bought someone a gift and they bought you one.

12.Do you like Fruitcake? I've never had one because it sounds and looks gross!

13.What are you most excited about the holidays? Getting to spend time with my family and friends!

14.Do you open presents Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning? Both, Christmas Eve we go to Grandma's and have a Shrimp FEAST and open presents at her house then open the rest on Christmas

15.Will you still be wrapping presents on Christmas Eve? No, All my gifts are bought and wrapped.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Under 300lbs BITCHES!!!

Omg I totally forgot to blog today about my mini goal!! I'VE LOST 41 LBS SINCE 8.16.11 WHICH MEANS I'M UNDER 300LBS. I'm so happy. I could jump off my house screaming. <3 Now to lose 9 more lbs before Jan 1. <3 I'll blog more tomorrow but I wanted to tell everyone right now before I forgot again LOL.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Always know where the bathroom is...

I want to Thank all my new people following me. I'll tell you a little about me. I'm 23, semi-single (very complicated), bought my first house in May. I recently got Lapband in Aug. I'm a drama queen & I wouldn't change my life for anything.

So I'm down to 301lbs. I don't know if I'll be at my mini goal of 290 by Jan 1 but I'm trying. Last Thursday I went down to Pat's Pub for .99 cent tacos which by the way are AMAZING. I ate 1 1/2 of them. I didn't want to push it to two. I've lately been having a problem stop eating. I guess falling back into bad habits. So I've been throwing up a lot. Today I've throw up 2 of my 3 meals... I don't know if it's because my band is tight last couple days or this drainage I've been having is causing me issues. I can say that I can puke without making a sound. I feel like I have a ED. I mean I guess I did but not one that you think of... I was a over eater. I was eating lunch with my grandmother today @ mcdonalds but I always get chicken nuggets. I ate maybe 5 got stuck and couldn't find the bathroom and we were about to go home so I didn't want to make a fit over anything. I couldn't wait to get back to my grandmothers to the bathroom. I need to slow down and cut my food up more and chew. I also been taking more pills lately because I'm trying to get back on track with my meds plus the doctor put me on two for depression.

On Sunday I baked cookies at my mother's house which was amazing it was so much fun although it was only Kim, my Mother & I. I drank a whole bottle of wine Kim brought over. It was for my mother but she can't drink wine because it has sulfer in it so I drank it. I baked cookies drunk lol they turn out good. I only ate 3 mini cookies. <3

Anyways not much else has been going on. I don't go back to work till 15th of Jan. Thank God my work has Short Term Disability & I get paid.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Eggface STOCKING GIVEAWAY!!

So I'm totally a sucker for giveaways @ EggFace has the best giveaways so here's the details.

It's the holidays so there must be a stocking! It's Giveaway Time!

The Prize: an AWESOME Christmas Stocking chock full of samples of some of my favorite weight loss surgery friendly products...

1 packet Celebrate Vitamins Strawberry ENS
1 packet Celebrate Vitamins Chocolate Milk ENS
1 packet Celebrate Vitamins Vanilla Cake Batter ENS
1 packet CLICK Espresso Protein Mocha
1 packet CLICK Espresso Protein Vanilla Latte
1 packet CLICK Espresso Protein Vanilla Latte All-Natural
1 packet CLICK Espresso Protein Mocha All-Natural
1 Apple Pie Quest Protein Bar
1 Wild Berry Quest Protein Bar
1 Chocolate Brownie Quest Protein Bar
1 packet Just the Cheese Crunchy Baked Cheese - Grilled Cheese flavor
1 packet Just the Cheese Crunchy Baked Cheese - Classic White Cheddar Cheese flavor
1 packet Kay's Naturals Protein Cereal - Honey Almond
1 packet Kay's Naturals Protein Cereal - Apple Cinnamon
1 packet Kay's Naturals Protein Cereal - French Vanilla
1 Sampler Set of Sugar Free Torani Syrups (4 - 150 ml bottles in SF Caramel, SF Raspberry, SF Vanilla, and SF Hazelnut)


So go to The World According To Eggface and enter to win!!!

Meet Me On Monday!

Welcome to the 61st edition of
"Meet Me On Monday!"

Blogging is a funny thing...we tell our most intimate thoughts for all to read and yet most of the time I find myself sitting and wondering, "who is this person!?" I know them...but yet I don't know them! I want to know who the person is behind all those words so I thought of a great way for all of us to "meet" each other!

Every Sunday Never Growing Old will post five get to know you questions that you can copy and paste into your own Monday post and we can all learn a little more about each and every one of us!!

Java will add a linky so we can follow who participates and get to know them better!! Be sure to link the POST and not just your whole blog!!



Questions:

1. Tomorrow I'm going to _________?
2. Pudding or Jello?
3. What book are you currently reading?
4. What is the first concert you went to see?
5. What is your current weather?
---------------------------------------------------------------
My Answers!

1. Tomorrow I'm going to _________?

I'm going to the Chiropractor to get adjusted. I'm sure that I will go drop my roommate off @ work and pick her back up but beside that nothing.






2. Pudding or Jello?

I love pudding.. Jello is weird. I only like Jello if it is a Jello shot.





3. What book are you currently reading?

I'm not currently reading anything but the last book I read was "The Help".





4. What is the first concert you went to see?

SPICE GIRLS!!!! @ AGE 11! WITH MY GRANDMA!!




5. What is your current weather?

It's cold & about 34degrees and cloudy.


Sunday, December 4, 2011

What the STUCK?

So ever since my last fill two weeks on Tuesday by band has been temperamental. Some days I get stuck on foods I shouldn't. Some days I can eat food I should be get stuck on. It's like a fucking food game. I did have my first experience with getting unstuck at a Mexican restaurant. I just excused myself from the table & went to the bathroom. Got unstuck then went back to the table and watched everyone eat. I never wanna eat after I get unstuck even though I'm still hungry. I feel like I can only eat real food after 7/8 pm. Since being off work my food choices have been a little better. I'm almost under 300lbs. I'm almost down FORTY POUNDS. I'm so excited. I'm at 303lb as of yesterday. Although I'm up today I always keep the lower number in my head and ork to get below it. I also think my band gets tigher when I'm on my period. Does anyone else feel that way with their band?

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Stress Leave.

So today I went to the doctor & I'm DEPRESSED!! Shocking right. I'm also beyond stress that the doctor thinks I'm losing my hair because of stress. So I'm going to see a therapist weekly and I'm going to go back on meds. I hate meds I've been on & off of them for years. They make me feel like I'm a zombie. I'm hoping they will just get me back on track and I can be back to normal. Part of me is more stress because I'm off work although I know I'll get paid it still very stressful having my pay and hands with the doctor.

Also one of my roommates has chosen to move out which stresses me out too because no part of my extra income is gone. So now I'm in the search of another roommate. I'm hoping that will work out. -sigh-

So I'll be out of work for at least 4-6 weeks. I should have lots of time to blog.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

M-I-Z-Z-O-U OR M-I-Z-FUCK-K-U :-)

Yesterday, I went to my first college football game! It's was awesome. It was at Kauffmen Stadium where the Kansas City Chiefs play. It's the longest sanding rivalry 120 years. This is most likely the last border wars game because MU moved conferences and is no long in the BIG 12. This game was very important because this game was a tie breaker game. The score was 55-55-9 so whoever one this game basically has the title of border war champs. So I got to my girlfriends at 9:45 am. The started tailgating at around 10:30 am. I had a protein shake with cake vodka & let me tell you it was so goooooooooooood! Then I had through out the day 3 smirnoff and one beer. I ate peanuts and chili/cheese nachos half of them atleast. I tried to make good choices but I figured I never go out and have fun so I'm gonna live a little. After the game which we(MU) won. 24-10! After the game we went to my friend parents house because they were out of town for the Staley State Champ game which is one of the 4 Highschools in the NKC school district btw they also won state champ. It was a great time. I can't wait to go to another game I hope the next was will be a NFL game. Also I will make better clothing choices. I wore ballet flats, jeans, a long sleeve shit and a MU shirt over it. I was so cold. It was 55 and raining when I left the house and I didn't think it was to bad but then the rain stopped and wind started. I froze to death but it was so worth it.


Also I weighed myself this morning & have lost another 4lbs in one day even after bad food choices. I was shocked. Total lost is now 34lbs since 8.16.11 :-)

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Another Fill :-)

So I had another fill today. I got .8 in my band. I'm upto 5.7 although my doctor says I have 5.5 but on the paper she gave me it adds up to 5.7. I signed up for MyFitnessPal.com :-) I joined the band wagon. I'm hoping it will help me stay on track with my food intake.

I signed up for school today. I'm taking 3 classes in the spring :-) I was really worried I wouldn't get into the class I need to "start" my program in the fall but there was one spot that open up today & I grab it like nothing else. I'm hoping that work will work around my shift.

I feel like everyday I have some sort of appointment. Tomorrow I have the cable guy because our internet is sooooooooooo slow & I have the DryBasement people coming out to estimate how much it will cost to fix my basement. Then Thursday is Thanksgiving & I would be eating maybe some taders but that's about it. I feel like I have something Friday I'm not sure. The Monday I have a follow up with the CPAP people then I have a dentist appointment (I might have to move the dentist appointment only because I don't think I'll make it from one appointment to another since there is only a hour in between.) Then Tuesday I see a therapist. There's just been so much going on since May I need someone to talk too because I'm so stress out.

I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving!! Please don't call you credit card company that day. I will be working LOL

P.S. I also took my measurement today. So I can start tracking it. I think I'll update that weekly with my weight loss.

Measurements
Bust 53"
Chest 49 1/2"
Waist 48"
Hips 55"
Thighs 30"
Calves 18 1/2"
Upper Arm 17"
Lower Arm 12"

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Fur-Children

I love fur-children. I'm dog sitting for my parents while they go to the lake to check up on my grandmother and have some alone parent time since it's their anniversary yesterday. They've been married 24 years. I'm so happy to say my parents still love each other very much and they are still together. Not a lot of people my age can say that.

So I get to watch my fur-brother Gizmo who is a 2 year old POM which I absoutly love with all my heart. He's such a great dog. Then I get to watch my Fur-Uncle Yoda who is my grandmothers dog who is in NC visiting family for 2 months. She will be coming home soon. I can't wait because I miss her a lot. She really supports me in my weightloss. She buys all my protein powder for me and anything I need weight loss wise since I can't afford it by myself.

I also was told by my parents I had to "watch" my brother who is 16 almost 17 because without my parents here he'd most likely not eat the entire weekend. I think it's a guy thing they just play video games and drink pop and forget about actual food.

Still nobody has let me know how to join in on the secret bandit :-( I think of making a care package for my aunt who had her Surgery a month ago. So now I have a total of 3 Aunt and 1 Uncle who all have the lapband. 3/4 live in texas though :-(

<3

Thursday, November 17, 2011

ANOTHER INTERVIEW!!

I just got called at work for another interview & this job would be 2 pay grades higher then what I make now!! Please pray I get out of my current position. I need a new position at work so bad. I'm miserable.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Will someone tell me how to become...

A SECRET BANDIT!!!!! I love the idea and wanna join in too.. So someone tell me how I become a secret bandit!!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Meet Me On Monday!!

"Meet Me On Monday!" Blogging is a funny thing...we tell our most intimate thoughts for all to read and yet most of the time I find myself sitting and wondering, "who is this person!?" I know them...but yet I don't know them! I want to know who the person is behind all those words so I thought of a great way for all of us to "meet" each other!

Every Sunday Never Growing Old will post five get to know you questions that you can copy and paste into your own Monday post and we can all learn a little more about each and every one of us!!

Questions:

1. Does your family/friends know about your blog? The only person who knows about my blog is my best friend Cami. My ex-boyfriend & his stalker wife (because he was never man enough to actually get divorced while we were together) & her friends stalk my blog but that's everyone who knows about my blog.

2. What is your favorite card game? My favorite card game is called "Lunch Money". My father got me into this game as a child because we used to play for pennies. This card game simulates children (a little girl is featured on all cards) running around the playground beating up each other and stealing their lunch money. Once you get past the strange theme, there's a fun little game where players beat each other senseless with cards like 'Poke in the Eye', 'Uppercut', and 'Humiliation.' Not for the weak willed, this game is mean. The last player still standing wins.

3. What do you wear to bed? When I have a boyfriend I sleep naked just because another body adds extra heat and I get to warm but when I sleep alone I wear a t-shirt and boxers (men boxers I steal as tokens when I was younger)

4. What is your favorite kind of French Fry? I don't eat french fries often but when I do I like mine kinda soggy. I like thick and thin but just a little under cooked.

5. What is your usual bed time? Well since I work nights I don't usually get off work till 11pm so I usually don't go to bed until around 1am or 2am.

I also wanted to let everyone know I've lost another 2lbs this week. I hope it keeps coming off this well. I know Thanksgiving won't be bad for me because we aren't having one. My grandmother is having radiation so my mom is driving to St. Louis to be with her at the hospital. My other grandmother is in NC. So it will just be my dad, brother & I. We are going to eat chinese. Yum!









Thursday, November 10, 2011

Ugh, Ugh & some more UGH!

I haven't being doing so well with my band lately. I'm very dissapointed in myself. I feel like I can't get out of this rut. I haven't been making very good food choices. On Monday night I come home from work (BTW I had a awesome day at work) I was just going to have a protein shake and go to bed I wasn't even hungry but my roommate (not that it's her fault she not banded) was eating PIZZA ROLLS first I had 3 off her plate then I "thought" I was hungry so I went and made myself a plate which I should of only had 5-10 maybe but I didn't even count how many I made. I ended up eating them all & getting stuck then I threw up 5 times it was so painful I was crying and seriously thought I had hurt myself and my band. On Tuesday I called into work I was in so much pain so I stayed on mushy/soup all day. I feel better today but I'm hoping to have more protein. I've noticed I'm losing my hair. :-( Everything else is okay.  I thought I'd update. I want to write more but I never know what to say.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

NSV!!!

I couldn't wait until this evening to blog about this. So I bought these Lane Bryant pants back in May for my birthday mind you I already wear a 6 in pants in there stupid way of measuring pant sizes. I bought two pairs because they were on sale. I get the home and try to put them on and let me tell you they wouldn't even come up pass my ass. I've lost 30lbs since I've been banded and let me tell you they fit. They fit very snug but they fit. I gainned so much confidence with just getting them to fit that I feel like I could take over the world. I do look pretty hot today for my interview!! Pray I get this position so I don't have to leave my current company. :-)

Saturday, October 29, 2011

No Title

This weekend so far has been uneventful. I spent most of yesterday in bed. I wasn't feeling well. Then of course today Miss Aunt Flow visited and lately she's been a total bitch when she visits. I've taken a muscle relaxer and pain pill and I'm still in pain. I don't know why I can't go back to normal happy visits. I know this is kinda TMI but maybe it's band related.  Although I lost another pound this week.  I still feel fat. It's something I don't think I'll ever get over. I'm just happy to see the scale going down. Although I have never tracked my food I bought a food tracker so I can write in it so hopefully that will help. I know I'm not eating the right food. I need to learn how to cook healthier meals for my entire household even if neither of my roommates have bands.

I also got offered the job @ Sprint although it pays less by 55cent & I'd have to drive 15 more min to work. I'm not sure weather to leave my miserable job now or wait it out until I can move to another department or find some way to start liking my job. Although I am getting a actually manager Nov 1st. I've been without a manager for the last 5 months. So maybe I hate my job because I have no help? My new manager is so nice plus I don't even have to move desk. LOL It's so hard.

I think I'm going to start couponing again. I need to get my finaces back in order. I've let them go out of control lately.

I think that's all for right now.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Update time...

I'm so sorry I haven't posted in a long time but I guess I have a few follwers that I really wish I didn't have so I'm just going to keep this blog less personal & hopefully that will help a lot.

So my band & I have been having issues with each other after my last feel. I experienced my first stuck episode and my first throwing up episode and let me let you this is no other word but I felt like I was seriously dying. My chest got all tight and painful like a heartattack. I felt like I couldn't breath. I was jumping around the house like a mad women until I finally stuck my finger down my throat to make myself vomit.  This has happen a lot since my last fill.  I have 4.7 cc in my 10 cc band. I cancelled my last fill appt because well I still get stuck on most foods. I have been slacking on my walking. I was walking after work with my roommate but we both got lazy. Hopefully November will be a better month.  I've kinda stalled on my weight loss due to the vomiting and not being able to eat anything the last week and half have been a little better with my food staying down so hopefully I'll see that helping me on the scale. I have lost 26lb since 8/16/11.

I seriously hate my job at work. I had a interview today at Sprint & I'm hoping I will land the job so I can leave citi & all the drama that comes a long with it.

Well I'm off to work I'll try to update more often.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

I'M PREGNANT..... NOT!

So I just heard the latest news from work that I'm pregnant. LMAO this is the funnest shit I've heard in a long time. I mean people are coming up to me asking me how much weight I've lost but somebody at work thinks I'm pregnant.  To set the record straight I'm not pregnant. I mean I just had weight loss surgery and I mean most people gain weight when they are pregnant and not lose weight. I know I might have been sick the last couple days but it's not because I'm pregnant.  I love that I'm the talk of work. They really must envy me. If they have so much time to stalk my blog and talk about me I must be very important to them.  I'm so tired of all this drama. I can't wait until the truth comes out. I don't play well with others when I get mad. I wouldn't play with gasoline with fire you just might burn yourself. <3

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Not feeling very hot!!!

I called in to work today. I was in so much pain today(not from the surgery but from my fibromyalgia)). I'm going to apply for FMLA because I'm out of sick time due to when I was out of work in July due to my body going numb which I know found out is because I have two pinched nerves, one in my back and one in my neck. I have to start physical therapy in Oct. Although I was sick this morning I had a lot of morning sickness (NO I'M NOT PREGNANT) it was horrid I've been having it for about a week now but afterwards all day I eat. Although I had a fill on Tuesday I feel like I'm still eating pretty normal. I'm still losing weight which is good but I have to stop eating. All day I've been freezing also. I had to take a scalding shower to be able to feel my hands and feet again. I'm warm now but man was I cold all day. I'm hoping I can go back to work tomorrow.  I wish my scars would heal a little bit better. I still have to strings coming out of my scars. Well I'm off to bed hopefully I feel better tomorrow. <3

Friday, September 23, 2011

Fill-her up!!!

So I got my first fill on Tuesday. I'm down -18 lbs which everyone says is great but I  guess I was hoping for more. I'm only losing 1lb a week but I haven't started going to the gym yet.  I need to get in the habit of getting up early so I can go. I know that will help tone and tighten so I don't have lose skin and hanging skin.  I'm glad I'm young because my skin will bounce back pretty quickly.  I don't wanna look dumpy or gross after I lose all the weight I want. I just want to wake up and all the weight be gone. It's hard. This is finally something that has helped with the weight loss. I find myself eating soft or mushy food even though I can eat normal again. I have 2.8cc in my 10cc band. I have a picture of the baruim swallow which was really cool to see go down as I drank that nasty shit. I should up load the picture.

I finally got my computer fixed. I love my brother and I know he was just trying to help by restoring my computer but something went wrong and I had to call sony for them to send me a restore disk.

I have a new roommate, a girl from work we will name C.  She's a bit older then B and me but she really laid back and paid me up front which helps because I was struggling to pay all the bills this month.  I think it's going to work out just fine.  She helps around the house a lot.

Tonight I'm supposed to go to the Haunted Houses for S birthday party. I get off at 11pm so I might not actually go in the HH but I wanna see her & everyone else.

Tomorrow me and another coworker J are going to a couponing class. I'm pretty excited.  I used to coupon before I bought this house but lost my binder somewhere in between but I wasn't as good as some of these women.

There's really no news in the men department just taking it day by day. I guess no bad or good news and okay news for me.  I just need to focus on myself and make myself happy before I'll ever be happy with a man.

Well I gotta get off here and get ready for work. <3 you all.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

I love mexican food but...

The mexicans who live behind sure do party hard for a little kids birthday. It's almost 1am. I'm laying in bed windows open due to the weather being so great but I can't sleep because my back yard is like a mexican night club. I've never even seen them in their backyard until today & I've lived her since May.

I have exciting news. One of my ex who I haven't talked to in almost 4 years popped back into my life. It's so amazing. He was like this is so odd I was just talking about you to a buddy last night & didn't know how I could get a hold of you. His name is JR & well he's a sweet a country boy can get. He's had a daughter since I've last seen him and let me tell you she so beautiful. So it's real good to get back in touch with people from my past for the most part.

Life is going so great. I'm so happy that my life is back to normal. I was supposed to have another female roommate but that didn't work out so it's just me & B. I think I'm okay with that at the moment. I can afford everything so. I'm gonna go try to get some rest.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

I need sleep.

I'm so exhausted in so many way then one. I found out I have sleep apena after my 3rd sleep study in 3 years. I'm not sure why the last two didn't show anything but I wake up 35 times a hour and have some more of disturbance with my legs when I wake up. So I have another sleep study to get a cpap machine. How exciting. I'm sure all the men I'll be dating will love that when they sleep over lol.

I'm currently looking for a new job. I'm tired of my sales position. I'm just not performing the way I thought I would everyone says it's my tone of voice but when I tired to change it I just sound fake or stuck up.

I'm going back to school in the spring. I'm really excited about that. 

This weekend I went to the lake and had an amazing time with my family. I think I might go once more before it gets to cold to go swimming. 

My new roommate M moves in this weekend hopefully. I guess that will be a new experience coming up. 3 girls in one house. LOL I'm not to worried about it because I work all the time and so does she.  

Well I think I'm gonna take another nap before work. 

Friday, September 2, 2011

NSV OMG SO FREAKING EXCITED!!!

So far I've lost 15lb since surgery. I'm very happy with this number.  Today although I'm running out of clothes because I'm in between sizes. Well my mom bought me these capri's on 4th of July weekend at walmart in a 26 because I forgot to pack more then one pair of bottoms & well they didn't fit and I was supposed to take them back well I never did so today after looking for pants I see this bag I open the bag and then there's the pants. I didn't know if I'd fit in them even though I'm a 26 I guess all brands run differenet. I slipped them on with no problem. I'm so excited. I will also be going to the lake this weekend very excited to see my grandma. I'm sure she's going to be very tired she just had another round of chemo.  I pray everyday god will take the cancer away. The cancer is shrinking but on the 21st she goes for a cat scan to see if they have shrunk enough for surgery then she has to choose to have the surgery to remove part of her lung. I hope what ever she picks will extend her life. I can't wait to see all my family. <3 Life is great. I hope everyone is doing great.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

What the hell did I just do...

So I knew today would come where I'd second guess myself about my surgery. Well today was the day. I bawled. All I want is a cheeseburger. I want a pizza too. I knew this would be hard but I didn't know this uphill battle would be covered in all the food I want. I know I know need it but I want it. You always want things you don't need. I'm really thankful for all my friends and family. They have been so supportive. I seriously have the best family and friends. They are always there for me.  They always give me the best advice and they are usually right about everything.  I know that I'm going to be happy with my new journey with my new body.  Well I'm gonna go drink some more of this chocolate frosty I made with protein powder I made it was actually pretty good.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

You win. Actually you lose. I win.

I'm done. I'm single again. I'm starting my life over brand new. I'm not looking back. I do love Dan but it's to much. My heart isn't broke and I'll move on just fine. I have plenty of support from my family and friends. I don't need a man to be happy like you.  I feel better then ever. My surgery went perfect. I'm on full liquids right now. I made some wonderful potato soup with sour cream and cheese blended in my new magic bullet. It tasted wonderful. I added unflavored protein powder and been having spoonfuls every couple hours. It's very creamy. Today the first day I haven't felt sick to my stomach. I need to walk more but I get so exhausted even showering. Well back to being 23 & beautiful. <3 love my life.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Moving blogs

I will not be posting anything about my life anymore on the blog. I never do anything right. I wish I could block people who can't see this. If anyone knows a way please tell me so certain people can't intrude in my life. Please send me your email address if you want access to my blog. Never mind... this blog will not only have my weight loss journey if you want to know about my actually life then please feel free to ask me for my new blog that will only have life blogs in it.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

SURGERYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!

I'm so excited. I went to my pre-op appt. I did all my blood work and pee'd in a cup to make sure I'm not pregnant. (funny story about being pregnant, I'll have to tell you all another time when it's right.) I'm surgery is tentatively next THURSDAY!!!! Not sure if I'll stay at my house to recover or stay at my mom's or grandmother's. Guess we will have to see. Things have been really rough lately but I have faith that things will turn around. I mean I'm YOUNG, BEAUTIFUL and well not that I'm bragging but I ROCK in the sex department. I can't wait to lose the weight so I can do more fun things with all my friends, family & amazing boyfriend. I know nothing and nobody can get in my way of my happiness. It's something I recently just learned & I'm glad I did.

Also I had a amazing time on my cruise and came home to my roommate and boyfriend surprise. They made me a cake and had all these ballons. It was very sweet. I'll post more about cruise another day. I gotta go to work and make some money. <3  

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Through a Rapist's Eyes


Sunday, August 7, 2011

Through a Rapist's Eyes

I found this on another blog, and thought I'd pass it along to you.  Maybe repost it on your blog or Facebook - help another girl out.

Through a Rapist's Eyes (No Joke) 
A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:
1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair.Women with short hair are not common targets.
2) The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who's clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.
3) They also look for women on their mobile phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking, because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.
4) The time of day men are most likely to attack and rape woman is in the early morning, between 5 and 8:30 a.m.
5) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location, where they don't have to worry about getting caught
6) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3 - 5 year sentence but rape with a weapon is 15 - 20 years.
7) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.
8) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands. Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.
9) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in a lift or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk, "I can't believe it is so old out here, we're in for a bad winter". Now you've seen their face and could identify them in a line-up, you lose appeal as a target.
10) If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell "Stop" or "Stay back!" Most of the rapists talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY targe

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Having a horrible day.

I'm having a really bad day. I just want one thing and right now I can't have it. It sucks. Maybe one day but I doubt it.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

My body rejecting my pills.

So I'm getting ready for bed and I take my pills and not more then a couple min after I take them I throw up. It's not how I expected to end my night by steam cleaning my dinning room floor at 1:45 am. I'm glad I didn't wake up P. He get's kinda cranky when I wake him up in the middle of the night. B just looked at me funny and was like "Why are you steam cleaning at this hour?" I guess I'm a quite vomiter. Anyways I got back to work from being off work for a while although still experiencing all the symptoms for being off work so not sure how well I'm going to work but it's okay because I'm going on a CRUISE for a week on Thursday. I'm so excited. It's just gonna be my Mom, Grandma & Grandpa. The limited time I get with my Grandma means the world to me, not knowing how long I have with her scares me a lot. Anyways B is making funny of me because I'm blogging about throwing up. LOL She's so crazy. I'm so glad she moved in. Well not sure if I will blog during the next week but who knows.

P.S. BEVERYJEALOUS my life is great. Sorry yours sucks but there isnt a way you can bring down mine <3 for all you haters.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Never thought I'd say it but I believe in love again!!!

I have had my heart broken a million and four times. I didn't think love really existed. I thought all men want is pussy until him. He's special. He's not my type. He found me. He likes that I'm me and nothing else. We both have past we aren't proud of but the thing that makes him different is he is seeking help to change things in his life. He wants a better happier life then what he lives now. I'm feel very lucky he picked me to show his change too. He didn't change for me. He changed for himself. I love that he's smart and teaches me things. I love the way he makes me feel and the way he looks at me. He support my choice in WLS.  He makes me very excited to see what the future holds with him. Tuesday we had a breakfast date at Corner Cafe then did some window shopping at Best Buy then came back to my place and hung out. Wednesday he took me to see Harry Potter which was wonderful. I think tomorrow I will take him lunch at work. Back in February when he was out of work he'd bring me lunch so since I'm currently out of work I'll return the favor. I wish everyone could fell as amazing as I do. My goal is to treat him like noone else has before I mean that's what you do for someone you love right?

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Monday, July 11, 2011

Home Sweet Hell!!!

<3 Hello loves, I'm back. I'm sorry I haven't written in a while but let me tell ya. It's been a crazy mess. So since I started writing which has been about 6 months. I'm done with the stupid supervised diet for my LapBand. I submitted my paperwork Friday so I hope I hear something soon. I'm super stoked. The life I'm going to have is amazing.

My house that I bought in May seems to be living HELL!!! If it's not one thing it another. I feel like I'm constantly buying things for it. Also the roommate situation has gotten crazy. The man I'm in love with D moved in & moved out & possibly might move back in. We need to learn how to communicate better if we want this relationship to seriously work.  My other roommate P well I've been having some problems with him. I let him pay rent & other bills late to me and well he's constantly borrowing money. I'm not sure if because I'm charging him to much to rent or because he just that bad with money. I understand he's been having health issues and that's one of the reasons I've let him pay rent late is because I know he's been in the hospital. I just hope money isn't the reason I have to kick him out. His cats don't mix well with my cats so I had to keep them locked up in his room & his cats have claws and have tore my carpet up. BRAND NEW FUCKING CARPET. Makes me so mad!!!! I did buy some plastic to go by the door so they can't ruin it any more so far so good. I also have my friend B living with me currently. She helping around the house and with the food. She just had a baby and gave her son up for adoption & her family situation isn't the best. I like her being here. I hope she stay a while. I also might be having C & her kids staying with me for a while if her house sales and her husband goes for a deployment while her new house is being built. I like having people around. I just don't like the messes or the loud noise.

My grandmother cancer is pretty bad. It's a very very very rare cancer. The doctors keep saying they've never seen anything like it. They were going to remove part of her lung but the cancer spread to her lymphnoids. So they started her on chemo to see if they could shrink it & then remove the lung but I don't see that happening how far a long the cancer is with that note we are going on a Cruise which is on her bucket list. I'm very excited but not because I'm 320lbs I'm going to look like a beach whale.  Although I will enjoy every moment of it because these special times might be the last.

I started a new position at work. It's a sales position, last month I was doing great this month I'm kinda off. I hope it doesn't hurt me to much though.

I also feel like I never see my friends. I'm sure it's partly my fault. Actually I'm sure it's all my fault. I just don't like going out. All the pictures I'm the fat one. I wanna be skinny again, the pretty one, the fun one but I don't like getting drunk and partying. I feel like we are adults. I own my own home, they have kids like shouldn't we be having adult fun like playing games at someone house with like Wine and Cheese. I dunno, I just don't have the same kind of fun my friends do...  Anyway I better get to bed. Hope all is well in blogland. <3

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Sunday, April 24, 2011

CANCER THE WORST WORD IN THE DICTIONARY

What to say about the C word. It's a scary word. It's even a uncertain word. It's a ticking time bomb. This week my grandma was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. Fucking lung cancer. A 63 non smoker youngest of five children diagnosed with lung cancer it blows my mind.  So far all we know is its in her left lung.  Treatment plan unknown till they are able to do a pet scan. Although they did say 13-24 months with treatment. I'm praying they are wrong.  She's hasn't seen me get married or have kids. She's to young to die. Lately the last couple years we've finally had the chance to become close. Now she has cancer. I feel like I should do more to help her. What should one do to help. She said "PRAY" ! So that's what I'm going to do and I hope everyone will pray with me.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

PLEASE REPOST THIS!!!

PLEASE REPOST!!: A close friend of mine has a 16 year old daughter who is missing her name is Aysha Leigh Anne Calhoun. She was last seen by her mother April 5th at 3:45 pm. and was last heard of in Titusville, Florida on April 6th at 9:35 am. She is 4’ 10’ 105lbs and small build. She is 16 years old and attends Hoover High School. She has mid length black hair but dyed it red last week. She has brown eyes and is half Korean and half Filipino.


She may be with two guys one is Parker Herring he is 17 years old, fluffy blonde hair, blue eyes, skinny build, and around 5’ 10’. The other guy is Ross Herring he is 18 years old, short blonde hair, blue eyes, muscular build, and around 5’ 11”. She was also with another girl Joplin Turcotte she has mid length blonde hair, 5’ 0”.

If anyone has any information or has seen any of them please call Kymberly Clancey, cell phone 205 910-2093 or her work number 205 987 0106.




Monday, April 4, 2011

Things come and go but you'll never be forgotten.

Hello all 11 people who follow my blog. I'm sorry I haven't been around as much as everyone would have liked I've been very busy work 60+ hours a week & with buying  new house my life is crazy. It's been so crazy one of my dearest closest friends who I tell everything to feels like I have taken her for granted. I absolutly love her. She gets me or at least I thought she did. I was actually very upset when she told me that she felt that way because I never knew I was making her feel that way & she's not one to not say something about it.  I actually cried which doesnt happen very often anymore but she right. I'm not the a very good friend sometimes. When I get caught up in my life I completely forget about that theres a world around me.  It's hard though. She feels like I ignore her and that I only talk to her when I need something. I don't though. I have found out that facebook is evil in delivering messages. I use facebook mobile a lot and I guess when some one instant messages me I don't receive it on my phone or it says I'm online when I'm not. Yes I could text her but sometimes I feel like I'm a outsider in her life. I don't think that she sees or understands that. It one of the reason that I don't always text her first or call her first because I know she busy. I know she in a completely different part of her life then me.  She's a SAHM with a Military husband who also is in school. I sometimes feel like since we are in different places I don't want to annoy her of my single no kid no school drama.  It's hard because as much as I love being friends with her it's hard because I can't relate to a lot of things. I don't understand marriage heck I can't even find a decent bf at the moment.  I don't have any cute stories about what my kids done in the past week. I mean don't get me wrong I love her kids and I love hearing what they've accomplished.. I don't have anything to compare. Some of her other friend have children or husbands but I have neither. I don't feel like I belong sometimes. But when she is free from the family life when we do hang out it's like nothing changed which is what I love about our friendship when we do get time to spend together it's like we havent even been apart.  I just hope that she does forgive me sooner then later.. because it's hard not talking to her.  I hope she understand a little bit more reason why I don't talk to her every single day it's not that I don't want too it's just I feel like i'd annoy her about stuff.  I mean I constantly think of her or when something reminds me of her I always tell her. She has been there for me a lot and I feel bad that if she needed me for something I'd hopoe she know I'd stop everything and be there because I do cherish her friendship a lot. So I hope that when she does decied she wants to be friends with me again I will show her I'm not as shitty as friend as she thinks.




Now onto the HOUSE, so the prev house I told everyone about fell through which made me very upset and I was about to give up on the house search until my lender told me about the KC DREAM PROGRAM which allowed to look at more expensive houses. Basically the program helps low income family or in my case single person buy their first home. They give you a forgivable loan up to $20k for your down payment.  It's amazing. So far everything is going smoothly. My lender always informs me on any change and answers all my questions.  I do have a contract on the house. I did the inspection which found nothing wrong with the house. It's move in ready and they closing date should be around may 20th or sooner..  I'm so excited.


The lapband diet thing is a joke but I'm doing it. I have 3 more months until I hopefully get approved. I can't wait. I'm ready to be healthy again.

Well until next time. <3 all of you.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Always Sick..

So once again.. I'm sick what a shocker.. NOT. Every 3 weeks I get sick.. I swear it's link to my period.  I get sick a couple days to a week before my period.  I know I sound crazy but it's the only thing that make sense. Maybe the week before you period you body immune system just goes out of wack! I'm not sure but it's getting seriously old. I'm on a Z Pack so hopefully I start feeling better soon.

Moving right a long.  I can't wait till the title company accepts my application & I can get the house inspected, hopefully the house passes inspection & I can move out asap.  I already got one roommate ready to move in too.. I already have a couple of projects that I want to get done.  I can't wait to have my own place. I can't wait to say I OWN  my own home.  I'm seriously proud of myself.

On to weight loss.. well I don't feel my Chiropractor is doing a well enough job on my weight so I'm going to make a appt to see my regular doctor. So now I'm possibly two months behind but maybe I will just have both doctors do it just in case the Chiropractor isnt doing his job good enough. I know he said he working on making the body feel better then focus on the rest but I have 4 more months. I dunno I should have just went to the regular doctor from the beginning. ugh.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Overtime Junkie

I admit it. I'm a Junkie, for overtime that is.  I've been working 60+ hour weeks & the paycheck are nice, but I'm so tired.  Although I have a great news, I GOT APPROVED FOR A HOME LOAN & MY BID GOT ACCEPTED FOR A HOUSE. Now all I have to wait is for the inspection & get approved for a title company to accept the application.  I'm pretty excited.  My first home at 22 years old. I'm very excited I just can't hold it in.  Also I met a man we will call him a D he's is the most awesome man.  He treats me so well& makes me feel so wanted. I totally believe love at first sight and so does he. <3 He completes me & he said that I'm the missing piece in his puzzle.  He makes me so excited about my future & how our future will evolve.  I'm sorry that I haven't written in a while but work keeps me very busy.  I will try to keep my life a tad bit more updated. until next time peace love & cupcakes.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

It's Raining Losers.

It's not raining men in my world.. It's raining losers. Every guy I like or go on a date with seem to be loser until I met A. He was smart, adventuresous, very funny & he was handsome.. I felt like we had a connection. Then after our date he if texted me to make sure I made it home okay.  Then the next day I barely heard from him. He said he was sick then today I haven't heard one thing from him. I'm not sure what to think. I mean even if he was sick it's not hard to text.  I hate when everything is going right then boom out of no where men just stop talking.. at least tell me what you don't like about me.  I know I shouldn't care & it was only one date but it was one date I havent had in a long time that went so wonderfully. 

I'm also sick & tired of people saying your so young you'll find someone one.. how the fuck do you know?  Or on the other hand my mother who is always throwing in my face that when she was my age she had a baby & was married. There nothing more in life I want then to be married & have a family. I just kinda have to wait until a man finds me.  

I know I need to focus on myself but I'd love to have someone next to me. I like someone I could tell everything.. someone I look forward to seeing.. I just hope my time is soon.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

6 Months Of Torture

I have been advised my surgery has been post-poned until I complete 6 months of Supervised Weight Loss Program. I feel so crushed. I wish I had never switched insurance. I didn't have to do this with my other insurance. It's to late to switch back now. So I have a Dr. Appt next week to start this stupid supervised weight loss shit. I'm pretty depressed that I have to wait another 6 months.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Epic Disaster

2011 isn't starting out as how I expected. It actually has started to be one of the worst starts of a new year I've had. My current on again off again boyfriend (we will call him D) I've had for two years vanished. He stopped returning my calls or text since Dec. 29th. I'm not sure why or if I even care what his excuse is when he contacts me again. My thought is he fell off the ban wagon AGAIN. He's a recovery addict. I'm sure your wondering why I've put up or got back with him so many times right? Well I see it as everyone has their own issues & if you at least working on them I think you deserve a chance. I have the biggest most forgiving heart ever. I just see so much potential in some people & when I see that in someone I NEVER give up on them and I mean NEVER. I assume that is the reason most people get sick of me because I'm a pusher, I push people to achieve the potential I see in them. Maybe I pushed him a little to far? I stopped blowing his phone so maybe we are on break.

My mom gave me some good advice the other day. She said if a man won't love you fat he wont love you skinny. It's so true. She also said to remember all the men who passed me up or used me or turned me down because I was heavy to not give them a chance when I'm thinner because I haven't changed just might weight has. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't love me with who I am @ any weight. I'm not having the WLS to please anyone.. I'm having WLS to improve my health so I can spend more time on earth.

I have some issues with my parents I don't think they see how much it truly effects me. She always puts me down with in a compliment. It's so annoying like she said the other night when she was drunk on NYE to a group of friend of theirs "Melissa would be a great wife, but she not the best housekeeper." or "Melissa is so pretty, but she would be prettier if she could lose the weight" then she said "Who going to kiss Melissa @ midnight?" over and over like I needed someone to kiss me or to have people feel sorry about me. My favorite thing she says to is "Melissa at your age I was married & had a baby(me) at had my own house.".. The funny part is I'm 22 years old all of my friends have kids & are married//have been married//engaged//or in a serious relationship. I'm the only one of my friends who didn't get pregnant before I was married & didn't get married just because I was pregnant. My Dad always said "Never depend on a man & don't get pregnant before your married" so I haven't. I know they would rather me living on my own I just can't financial afford it. I'm trying my hardest to pay off all my debt to move out. I just wish they could be more supportive & proud I haven't made the some of the same mistakes they did when they were my age.

Then off to my so called "best" friends.. best a what? Letting me down? Using me? Lying to me? Disappointing me? Ignoring me? I haven't actually what they are best @ yet. Recently I found myself closer to people I call just plan & simple friends. One of my friend(I will call her C) gives me the best advice, pick me ups, & includes me even when she knows I will say no or when she thinks I won't come because it's a play date with her kids & other friends kids.. she includes me even though I don't have any kids. She sees me for me & nothing else. Her friendship means a lot & can you believe when we were younger she stole my boyfriend & I planned to murder her.. I even stalked her one day in my moms min van when I was 16.. We have so many great moments together now. Then there is S she always listens to me. She never judges & we share so many similar stories. She actually is one of people I hang out with on more of a regular basics now. There are a couple of "best" friends I actually consider like family who aren't there for me like I thought they would be.. some how though I'm their best friend when "they" need me. When they need someone to vent too or had bad day or anything when its convenient for them to be a friend. I haven't decide what I need to do or should do. They know who they are.. they usually say sorry & i forgive & then it happens again. I dunno I just see so much potential in people who let me down for some reason. People need to really think about what a friend really means & how good of a friend are you to them & how good a friend they are to you. There are a couple people who just don't understand how much their friendship means to me.


Last but not lease the problem I had with my insurance company today.Here's what happened. I have to back track a little so please bear with me. So I switch my insurance @ the 1st of the year like everyone else, I went back to my mother insurance due to the new Obama health care law, I switched for a couple of reasons but that beside the point before I switch I did my research before dropping my insurance from my company and going to my mothers. I called to make sure the band was covered, how much it was gonna cost, & if I needed anything to do to be preWLS how could this be??? I dropped my own insurance so I could be covered underneath my mom "better" insurance. I completely felt like my life was over. I kept screaming this can't be.. this can't be.. I know that poor lady felt bad for me. Well I refused being denied as a answer so I called my insurance & the confirmed my new insurance no longer cover WLS so I cry & ask a million questions like if there was loop hole or if it was a medical necessary.. I mean I asked everything.. she double checked everything.. she said in 2010 we covered it but now in 2011 we no long carry it.. of course I was crying and panicking because I was looking forward to restarting my life. This is something I've thought about since I was 18 and finally was ready to do it.. so I get off the phone because I have to accept what the insurance say because well they are my insurance.. so I'm crying at work thing what do I do? I should have stayed with my old insurance.. while I was talking back with the WLSC i get a call from a doctor. The rep I was talking to felt so bad about what happened she went to her manager & they stated they were gonna investigate & call the company to see why they stopped coverage, she then stated it might be a computer error.. I prayed hard that it was a error. I called my mom & made her get off a factory line to call me so I could tell her everything that was going on.. she went to her HR because my mom informed me that her company couldn't have changed their coverage due to all the employees are in a union & if any changes were made they would have to approve them & all employees would have be notified. My mom then called me after she was on the phone with the insurance company & the insurance company accidentally had a computer error when renewing the 1s of the year & removed the coverage for WLS. I couldn't believe this. A FREAKING ERROR. I'm glad it was a error but I was seriously stressing. I can only imagine what else they might have messed up.. I mean what if I was a car accident & they didn't cover the hospital & they just said oh we no loo after a day of stressing & crying & thinking I will have to pay 18k for a surgery I need and want they finally said the error is being fixed & it will be covered.. now to I wait for the WLSC to call back so I can tell her to resubmit it back to insurance.  

It's been one heck of new year it can only go up from here I hope.


I WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON MY DREAMS & NEVER LET ANYONE GET IN THE WAY.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

My Very 1st Ramble!

I'm not even sure what my first ramble should even be about. I have so many things going through my head I just need to get out. I'm sure nobody will read this but if they do I hope they have better insight about how I work. This blog is not to offend or hurt anyones feelings.. It's just my own place to get everything I need off my chest. I don't spell well and my grammar sucks so I apologize to all the grammar Nazi out there. I'm not prefect and never want to be. My flaws are the reason I'm me.

Today is 1.1.11 & it's already sucked.  I'm so overweight that I've know broken my bed 6 times since I bought it 2008. My little brother calls me nopantsfitsyoulady my new nickname should be yoursofatthatyoubreakthebedbyjustsittingonit, I assume it a little bit of a longer nickname. I mean I know it's not completely all my fault that the bead broke again. I mean when did manufactures start making the side railings to support the best with partial board? I was 320lbs (I've never written my weight out before) and even if I was 150lb again the bed is mean for two people. It only breaks if I sit on the corner of the bed. Although my father wiped away my tears again it just hurts to know I allowed myself to get this way. In 2006 I weight 150lb.. I hope that in this next year with my WLS that I will lose all that weight. I know it going to take a lot of hard work but I'm willing to work for it. I want to be able to look at myself again & just be my happy go lucky self again.

Someone (we will call him P) told me today that the reason nobody wants to be around me anymore is because I'm always so negative. It's hard to wake up everyday and be positive. I have no friends. I mean I have some friends but not any I see on a regular basis. It's either they are married, & want to do everything as a couple, or they are married with kids and still can't do anything or they are single with kids and never have a baby sitter or can afford one.. or they have a bf.. I mean the list goes on.. all my friends have a excuse or the best part is if they don't have a excuse they just ignore me.. that's my favorite thing... being ignored. I know everyone is busy and have their own life but why don't I? How do you have your own life without anyone in it? I just dont understand why nobody wants to include me. Somehow they make time for their other friends.. I don't know maybe it's just me.. I wish someone would tell me.. without telling me I'm doing something wrong or annoying how is one supposed to learn and reflect and change?

I hope this year I lose weight, & find myself again.... Truly find myself.. my inner happiness. I can only go up from here. ^^^^^^