I'm not even sure what my first ramble should even be about. I have so many things going through my head I just need to get out. I'm sure nobody will read this but if they do I hope they have better insight about how I work. This blog is not to offend or hurt anyones feelings.. It's just my own place to get everything I need off my chest. I don't spell well and my grammar sucks so I apologize to all the grammar Nazi out there. I'm not prefect and never want to be. My flaws are the reason I'm me.
Today is 1.1.11 & it's already sucked. I'm so overweight that I've know broken my bed 6 times since I bought it 2008. My little brother calls me nopantsfitsyoulady my new nickname should be yoursofatthatyoubreakthebedbyjustsittingonit, I assume it a little bit of a longer nickname. I mean I know it's not completely all my fault that the bead broke again. I mean when did manufactures start making the side railings to support the best with partial board? I was 320lbs (I've never written my weight out before) and even if I was 150lb again the bed is mean for two people. It only breaks if I sit on the corner of the bed. Although my father wiped away my tears again it just hurts to know I allowed myself to get this way. In 2006 I weight 150lb.. I hope that in this next year with my WLS that I will lose all that weight. I know it going to take a lot of hard work but I'm willing to work for it. I want to be able to look at myself again & just be my happy go lucky self again.
Someone (we will call him P) told me today that the reason nobody wants to be around me anymore is because I'm always so negative. It's hard to wake up everyday and be positive. I have no friends. I mean I have some friends but not any I see on a regular basis. It's either they are married, & want to do everything as a couple, or they are married with kids and still can't do anything or they are single with kids and never have a baby sitter or can afford one.. or they have a bf.. I mean the list goes on.. all my friends have a excuse or the best part is if they don't have a excuse they just ignore me.. that's my favorite thing... being ignored. I know everyone is busy and have their own life but why don't I? How do you have your own life without anyone in it? I just dont understand why nobody wants to include me. Somehow they make time for their other friends.. I don't know maybe it's just me.. I wish someone would tell me.. without telling me I'm doing something wrong or annoying how is one supposed to learn and reflect and change?
I hope this year I lose weight, & find myself again.... Truly find myself.. my inner happiness. I can only go up from here. ^^^^^^