Crying....

Seriously crying my eyes out. I feel like a horrible friend. I can't even begin to start why I feel like a horrible friend I just do. I can't tell my friends anything because I'm scared to lose them. If I lose them then I'll be alone. I don't really have to many friends. It's hard for me to tell them something with out looking like a bitch or that I'm jealous of them. That's not the case. I'm not trying to hurt them or take their happiness away either. I hate that I get so emotionally attach to my friends because I start acting all crazy when I feel passionate about something. I can't talk to a lot of my friends because I'm scared they won't tell someone. The only reason I'm scared is because we are all best friends with each other. There's handful of us. I feel like I'm the least person they'd want to be best friends with though. I've never felt like someone is my best friend that they are mine and I'm theirs and there isn't anyone else above me. I know it's a petty thing to think about but it's true. I want my friends to be happy I really do & it kills me to think that something might not work out the way they want and then they will be heart broken and it's the hardest thing for me to stand is one of my friends to be sad or hurt. It might be because I wouldn't want anyone else to feel the pain like I do. It's not fair noone deserves to feel like this. I should be able to tell them excatly what I'm thinking just like when they tell me what they think about my choices. I'll keep my thoughts and worries to myself. My tears will eventually dry up. I will be happy for them and smile the biggest smile I can & my heart will remain open when they need me. It their life not mine and I will not voice my thoughts on their lifes any longer. I'm sorry I'm a bad friend but I do love you.